The 10 Commandments... of Today


The 10 commandments given by God (Exodus 20) are considered by most of the UK population to be out of date these days. But if you don't believe me, just take a look at the way most of them are ignored or distorted in personal and public life.


So in keeping with contemporary attitudes, values and morality, as well as judging by what would be considered generally acceptable behaviour, please let me suggest how as a nation we've replaced them with the following...


COMMANDMENT 1

You shall have no other gods before... YOURSELF!. Believe in yourself, live to please yourself and don't forget to have the Frank Sinatra song, 'My Way', played at your funeral.


COMMANDMENT 2

You shall make for yourself... any idol you choose. This could be another adult, your children, even your football team... or of course, money, shopping, alcohol (or some other drug), sex, power, food... anything really. Do your best to squeeze one of these into what was hitherto believed to be the 'God-shaped' space at the centre of everyone's life.


COMMANDMENT 3

You shall feel free to misuse the name of the Lord your God... in any casual conversation, especially using the term 'Oh my God'... even though you probably don't believe in Him. But if you're touchy about this, 'OMG' will do. We'll know what you mean. It's also good to get the name 'Jesus Christ', into TV dramas... but only as an expletive you understand.


COMMANDMENT 4

Remember the Sabbath day... as it's now, for most of us, a second Saturday. And as such Sunday is great for the weekly shopping, washing the car or Premier League football... and especially running marathons, which give masses of people the feeling that they're doing something virtuous at a time when their forebears would, most likely, have been at church.


COMMANDMENT 5

Honour your father and your mother... especially if you expect to inherit money. Of course the growing popularity of 'equity release' could mean you'll get less than you think you will.


COMMANDMENT 6

You shall not murder... although unborn babies are exempt under the widely accepted ruling, 'a woman's right to choose'. But make sure you use the word 'foetus' and not 'child'.


COMMANDMENT 7

You shall not commit adultery... though so long as you refer to it as 'sleeping around', 'multiple partners', 'swingers parties' it's well accepted. After all, if it feels good... just do it!


COMMANDMENT 8

You shall not steal... but if you convince the Police that you're stealing food for your family, well then they've been told to turn a blind eye. So look out for more of this kind of thing.


COMMANDMENT 9

You shall not give false testimony... but this is OK in rape cases if a man claims that the girl had had too much to drink and wore a short skirt. And especially if there are no witnesses.


COMMANDMENT 10

You shall not covet anything belonging to your neighbour... although it doesn't matter if you have a 'fling' with his wife or buy a better car than he has, out of spite... though if, on the other side of the fence, his grass seems greener than yours, well... it's probably artificial!


But then, in the light of all this...

“The fool says in his heart, 'There is no God.' ”

Psalm 14:1


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